First of all, don't let others define high-end for you. It's too easy to feel bad that you didn't buy a fashionable brand. Remember, there are definitely value brands that qualify as high-end.
I read the book too and let me just say after visiting 13 high-end shops in 6 different states, they are all just retailers with personal biases and profits/commissions critical to their recommendations. Only one did not openly make suggestions and attempt to influence my perception of equipment. In fact, when I asked this guy what he liked, his response was, "It doesn't matter what I like." He passed the test, but my $30K was slumming in his shop.
Two suggestions regardless of what you buy, 1) find a custom installer who will quietly sell below manufacturers numbers; they're out there. And/or 2) buy used.
You can hit your number if you pass on the DLP and buy a rear projection. Remember HD-DVD is coming and it ain't an incremental change. Spend moderately on the video side it is going become obsolete much faster than speakers and amps.
Also, something that is overlooked by most, the room accoustics. Listen to lot's of stuff in different environments. Ask the demo folks to move the equipment into a second room. I have listened to nice equipment sound like crap in one room and really fine in other rooms. You may need a minimum of $2-3K for room treatments.
Good luck. Unless your going to have a revolving door in your media room and continually trade stuff, take your time.
