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My love of music is killing me.

I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller
airegin
174 posts
 
Your feelings make perfect sense to me. I have walked the cancer road with losses of sibling, spouse. Many hospitals, many procedures, hopes raised and dashed, emotional meltdowns on long distance phone calls to family members, hours and hours in waiting rooms flipping through old magazines, reams of medical insurance paperwork and calls, and bristling at those physicians seriously wanting in empathy. Time may be a healer but each of us processes loss differently and there is no timeline. Nothing new here, but affirming and sharing matter. Kind thoughts and a big ((hug)).

"No one gets through this life unscathed"
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uru975
684 posts
 
Grief counseling is there as a help. It is not meant to allow you to get over your son's loss but rather to go on living. We do not get over the loss of a loved one but we can and do learn or can be taught how to continue and go forward.
For me, after the death of my wife, it came about that even if I were to have known what was to be, I would not have missed the experience of living with her and loving her. She is still with me now after more than two decades but my life has much joy also.
The pain and sorrow were worth the time we had.
May your son's memory be in time a blessing for you
rja's avatar
rja
2,112 posts
 
Dean,
I'm very sorry for your loss. My personal feeling is in agreement with many others here, seek help from others. Do not go through this alone! I'm sure there are others who have gone through a similar situation and would be more than happy to help.

Perhaps a time will come when the music will remind you of happy memories and time shared with your son rather than sadness. I'm hoping that will happen for you.
schubert
4,867 posts
 
If it hurts don't do it.The Doc's advise on exercise is correct,it served me when my wife passed.
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