As others have said, please seek professional help. The music you shared that now brings pain can be turned around but it will take time. The association is so strong that you'll need to channel it to someone who can guide you and absorb your loss so all that remains are the good and loving memories, which can only strengthen your love of music and the memory of your son. Like all paths, you have to start and the sooner the better. Presently, music is the key to your pain but even without it, the pain will persist. It's merely a trigger and has no cathartic value anymore. It can all be turned around.
You have my deepest sympathies and my thoughts go out to you this evening.
You have my deepest sympathies and my thoughts go out to you this evening.