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My love of music is killing me.

I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller
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shadorne
7,333 posts
 
The toughest thing for a parent is to lose a child. Remember it is good to cry and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. iMHO, You don't need help you simply need to accept how you feel (perfectly normal after your loss) and embrace it rather than fight it.

I recommend this song "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton.
inna
5,245 posts
 
Dean is not talking. Perhaps things are getting worse.
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jedinite24
1,502 posts
 
My hope is that Dean is seeking and getting professional help. The amount of pain caused by that lost must be great. There is a lump in my throat just from reading his post. Music should soothe and heal not hurt.
chadnliz
3,736 posts
 
He isnt a big frequent poster, only a few dozen participations in 5 years. He probably wanted to be heard and get folks thinking about how precious time, life, and family are. Dean you did that beautifully.
douger
94 posts
 
Thank you for sharing and reminding us how important it is to
hug our children! I am very grateful for my 2 daughters and grandson, plus their husband and fiance, after losing my wife
last year they are keeping me sane... I pray that you will stay strong and enjoy as much life as you can! Professional help can hasten your ability to deal with such a tragic loss.
My sincere condolences!
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