Coffee_nudge, it seems to me it was about '66 or '67 when I first heard Tuli bawling in the bathroom. I think Kupferberg is still alive - he must be 80 by now.
Zappa's "Who Goosed The Moose" was also special...
Ah, Frank...Dr. Demento...Paraquat Kelly...KMET...the 70's...I'm feeling very retro. |
Shiva, it was Alan Sherman. "Suburban Homeboy" by Sparks. The Bloodhound Gangs "Mr. Rogers" song. |
Tom Waits album "Nighthawks at the Diner (From Easy Street)" here's a blur drizzle down the plateglass as a neon swizzle stick stirrin up the sultry night air and a yellow biscuit of a buttery cue ball moon rollin' maverick across an obsidian sky as the busses go groanin' and wheezin', down on the corner I'm freezin'; on a restless boulevard at a midnight road I'm across town from EASY STREET with the tight knots of moviegoers and out of towners on the stroll and the buildings towering high above lit like dominoes or black dice all the used car salesmen dressed up in Purina Checkerboard slacks and Foster Grant wrap-around, pacing in front of EARL SCHLEIB $39.95 merchandise like barkers at a shootin' gallery they throw out kind of a Texas Guinan routine "Hello sucker, we like your money just as well as anybody else's here" or they give you the P.T. Barnum bit "There's a sucker born every minute you just happened to be comin' along at the right time" come over here now you know... all the harlequin sailors are on the stroll in a search of "LIKE NEW," "NEW PAINT," decent factory air and AM-FM dreams and the piss yellow gypsy cabs stacked up in the taxi zones waitin' like pinball machines to be ticking off a joy ride to a magical place waitin' in line like "truckers welcome" diners with dirt lots full of Peterbilts, Kenworths, Jimmy's and the like, and they're hiballin' with bankrupt brakes, over driven under paid, over fed, a day late and a dollar short but Christ I got my lips around a bottle and my foot on the throttle and I'm standin' on the corner standin' on the corner like a "just in town" jasper, on a street corner with a gasper lookin' for some kind of Cheshire billboard grin stroking a goateed chin, and using parking meters as walking sticks on the inebriated stroll with my eyelids propped open at half mast but you know... over at Chubb's Pool Hall and Snooker it was a nickle after two, yea it was a nickle after two and in the cobalt steel blue dream smoke, it was the radio that groaned out the hit parade and the chalk squeaked, the floorboards creaked and an Olympia sign winked through a torn yellow shade, old Jack Chance himself leanin' up against a Wurlitzer and eyeballin' out a 5 ball combination shot impossible you say? ...hard to believe?, perhaps out of the realm of possibility? naaaa he be stretchin' out long tawny fingers out across a cool green felt with a provocative golden gate and a full table railshot that's no sweat and I leaned up against my bannister and wandered over to the Wurlitzer and I punched A-2 I was lookin' for something like Wine, Wine, Wine by the Night Caps starring Chuck E. Weiss or High Blood Pressure by George (cryin' in the streets) Perkins - no dice "that's life," that's what all the people say ridin' high in April, seriously shot down in May, but I know I'm gonna change that tune when I'm standing underneath a buttery moon that's all melted off to one side It was just about that time that the sun came crawlin' yellow out of a manhole at the foot of 23rd Street and a dracula moon in a black disguise was making its way back to its pre-paid room at the St. Moritz Hotel (scat) and the El train came tumbling across the trestles and it sounded like the ghost of Gene Krupa with an overhead cam and glasspacks and the whispering brushes of wet radials on a wet pavement and there's a traffic jam session on Belmont tonight and the rhapsody of the pending evening, I leaned up against my bannister and I've been looking for some kind of an emotional investment with romantic dividends kind of a physical negociation is underway as I attempt to consolidate all my missed weekly payments, into one-low-monthly payment through the nose with romantic residuals and leg akimbo but the chances are more than likely I'll probably be held over for another smashed weekend Two Nice Girls album, "Spent My Last $10.00 On Birth Control And Beer." When I was a young girl like normal girls do I looked to a woman's love to help get me through I never needed any more than a feminine touch I hated the thought of kissing a man it really was too much
I did not drink, I did not smoke I did not say "goddamn" I was polite I was sensitive before I loved a man My family, they were proud of me were proud of what I am But then along came Lester and my tale of woe began
(Chorus) I spent my last ten dollars on birth control and beer My life was so much simpler when I was sober and queer But the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear And made me spend my last ten bucks on birth control and beer
It was June 1983 when Mary Lou and I did part She said she loved another dyke my god, it broke my heart I was bitter and disillusioned to lose another girlfriend Lester came to work at Papa's store and decided to ease on in
Before my last heartbreak nothing made me more sick Than a hairy-chested, cheap double-breasted suited man with a hard dick I guess that I was curious I guess that I was young I guess it was that rum and coke I guess that I was dumb
(Chorus)
For of course, for a woman to love a man she must also love to booze If a woman don't drink beside her man then she will surely lose him As I sit in this hetero honky-tonk and reflect upon my past I think about those girlfriends and why they didn't last
For there's certain thrills that lesbian love simply cannot supply Like paying for abortions from sperm gone awry And so I say to you my friends without this man I'd die So listen to my tale of woe and hang your head and cry
(Chorus) |
"Run Red Run" by the Coasters!
Nonwithstanding their other classics "Along Came Jones", "Charlie Brown" and "Yakkity Yak", "Run Red Run" has all the elements you'd ever want in a humorous song:
Gambling Booze Guns A monkey who gambles and drinks booze Very fast running Revenge (by a monkey) Quality threads (also by a monkey)
It's an old soul/r&b classic that's very funny and very stylish. Appropriate for children also (at least it was for me!), but with deeper appeal to adults. Just the best "good time" song I can think of that will make anybody laugh.
Honorable Mention, and much further from center:
The entire "Helter Stupid" album by Negativeland.
"Auto-Manipulator" by Crispin Hellion Glover.
"Pervert" by Big Meat Hammer. Veteran Portland, ME punks that are a pure old-school joy live. The lyrics are so fine, they don't even play the song live unless the place seems VERY ready for it, and even then, you'd have to ask politely. |
Big Bottom by Spinal Tap or The Spam Song by Monty Python
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