You might be an audiophile if...

...you pay the electic company way more than you have to every month so everythings always "warmed up".

...you get more excited over looking at a nice set of speakers than you do a nice set of boobs.

...your connections are way cleaner than your windows.

...your couch has a permanent imprint in the sweet spot.

...your family is afraid to touch the stereo.

...your last choice for audio equipment is Best Buy.

...you have ever had a cable delivered overnight red.

If your listening to music on a 90 degree day and you turn off the air conditioning because its too noisy.

...the lighting of your room and the hum of your kit illuminates you more than the passages of the music...

you own more than one Alan Parsons CD...and actually listen to them...

you're willing to move your heavy speakers and stands from against the wall to listening position rather than having to sell them because your toddler may knock them over in your listening position.
-or-
You buy things you know has absolutely no foundation in science "just in case" they might work, like putting a plastic-encased "chip" on top of your CD player while the CD is spinning, which makes all your CD's magically transform into higher-quality sound.,

(I've NOT done the latter.)