About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone

Pat,

Thank you for the update, and please never hesitate to share your whole story with your friends. That's what we're here for, even if we're sometimes too frightened to know what to say. Though it seems backwards and some might think it unfair, you actually have to be brave for us. Most of us have not yet walked the path you're on, so you have to show us the best way.

Get on the chemo and fight. Get on with enjoying the music too. And don't forget there are certain substances that reportedly can help you with both, even better than cheeseburgers and fries!

I know what you mean about live piano vs. recorded piano. That must have been quite a treat. We also have a friend with grand pianos in his home. I keep dreaming my system will someday fool me into believing I'm hearing one. Like Don Quixote, I'm tilting at windmills!

Doug

Pat,
It's good to hear from you, thanks for sharing the good/bad news. It sounds like the day was pretty good overall, take away the doc talk. Guess what? They're not always right anyway. I know, I got two ex- brother-in-laws that are doc's. They're as human as the rest of us. Now it's up to you to prove 'em wrong.

I went in the hospital for a procedure on my right knee just before Christmas. It called for local anesthetic. Well didn't the d@mn doctor start scrubbing up my left knee. I yelled out 'WHOAAAH NELLY!'. Then he started scrubbing up the wrong side of my right knee, his technician pointed this out. He finally did the procedure, and they cleaned up where they had gone in. When I got home I showed my wife, my left knee, and the outside of my right knee were still stained brown from the surgical scrub! They only cleaned up the third and final scrub, the place they went in!

Just a short story to let you know that doctors aren't infallable. Keeping your spirits up and staying positive is more important than letting some doctor bring you down. You need to live longer just to spite that SOB! That'll show 'em. They ain't God!

Give 'em hell Pat!

Best Regards,
John

Goo luck, Pat. As you can see, we all think about you every day, and as hard as it may be, the personal contact is good for all of us. Hang in there, my friend.

HI Pat,
Being in a family with full of physicians,i want you to know that doctor will tell you only theory that their insurance allow them to say.dont give up hope and keep fighting on.I am a pharmacy owner,i ran into many customer with many different illness.one of my closest customer is someone that his doctor told him that he have 6 months to live,and that was almost 7 years ago..hang in there buddy.

Thanks for the encouraging words everyone, both on this thread and in private emails. I know it's not easy responding to the depressing news I dropped in your laps. So, yesterday I had a follow-up visit with my surgeon thinking that our relationship would be ending. It seems that when she operated the method she used to tell the extent of involvment is by feel. Makes sense to me that small tumors can be felt. Anyway, she said that one area of involvment that was most pronounced was in the common bile duct and that whenever I start to turn yellow or feel pain we'll be getting together in a surgical suite again to put a shunt in place. One encouraging, but scary thing she said was that we will likely remove the feeding tube in my intestine and the drain tube in my stomach. The mods she did to my digestive system make it difficult for any tumor to interfere with the passage of food or liquid. Maybe I won't ever need to be pump fed again. I like that idea a lot but the removal is a permanent option that would be gone forever so I told her that she has to make that decision for me. The woman has huge balls and is a real person. She howled when I told her I was still holding out for a massive coronary in the throws of an orgasm. Anyway, she thinks I've got what it takes to make the statistics look silly after all of this is over. I also told her that since she was so good at modifications that she should get herself a good tube system and start studying electronics. Barb and I then went out for Chinese food, came home and fooled around. Now that made me feel like I'm getting better! I guess what made me weaken more than anything else is knowing that my life partner is having to go through this and it's so unfair to her. She deserves so much more. For thirty one years she has indulged my every dream. Never once has she complained when I wanted more, better, different gear. She helped me buy my Harleys. She encouraged me to buy my drift boat and build a trailer for it the last time I was battling lymphoma. She never complained when I spent way too much money and time building my hot rod Nova. When I suggested we move from the comfort and security of our Midwestern home to the uncertain future of living in Idaho just so I could be closer to trout fishing she didn't even hesitate one second. Whatever makes Pat happy has been her goal in life. I'm telling you guys, this woman deserves so much more than than this baptism by fire we're experiencing and my guilt is overwhelming. Sure, I know it's not my fault but still I'm sure you understand why I feel this way. I'm undeserving of the outpouring of support from everyone and all I can do to make up for it is say thanks. There's no way to pay back anyone. The most profound thing I've discovered during this insanity is that it's way easier to love and be nice than it is to be mean and nasty. I wish I could export some of this knowledge to the Mideast, inner cities and to all of humanity struggling with and concentrating on our differences rather than our shared humanity. If only I could, this world would become such a wonderful place in very short order. Perhaps there is a talented person reading this story as it unfolds that can put this whole thing into words to share with the world so that all the kindness here somehow can be passed on.

Pat