Hi Frogman - yes, there are many out there do not use live music as a reference. I think there are many reasons - some audiophiles become so obsessed with their equipment that they haven't even been to a live concert of any kind for years, and have truly forgotten what live music sounds like. I am constantly amazed at those who place the equipment above the music in their priorities. Or those who won't listen to a recording if they don't think it was recorded well, or is not on the right label. Others simply don't want their music to sound live. I have seen that comment many times here. Then there are those who say they don't want any "colorations," usually the same people who are after "complete neutrality" in a component. Yes, I do understand what they think they mean, but to me, and I would guess the vast majority of working musicians, this is a truly ridiculous concept (as if anyone really wants to listen to colorless and neutral music??!), and in my experience, these folks have systems that don't sound anything like live music - they want every recording they own to sound exactly the same, and very sterile sounding, though they usually call it "analytic."
On the other hand, I bet Tvad is right when he claims his system sounds better than many concerts he hears in arenas and stadiums, assuming it is electronic and/or amplified music he is speaking of, which the vast majority of it would be if he listens mainly to rock and jazz. Especially in the rock world, the music is so grossly amplified at pretty much all live venues nowadays. So many people have grown used to this electronic sound that they think that that is what all music sounds like, and they develop very unrealistic expectations of bass in particular (Subwoofers are among the most misused pieces of equipment, in my opinion. Not that they can't sound good, but to my ears I have yet to hear a system including them that sounded like real, live, acoustic music). Even concerts in a great hall can be ruined by over-amplification, as my orchestra's pops concerts often are. Far too many people think that louder is always better, as you must know well, playing in Broadway pits.
So there are a whole host of different reasons, of which I have just scratched the surface, and it can indeed be frustrating. I try to either ignore it or laugh about it, but it's hard sometimes. As Tvad said, one size does not fit all, and there are many different perspectives in this hobby. Sometimes the most important one to us musicians gets completely lost in the process. I guess that's true of alot of different hobbies. I used to homebrew with a friend who got obsessed with the equipment instead of the taste of the beer. Eventually we compromised - we used his equipment to make my recipes, and got some very good results that way. But I've gone on more than long enough, so I'll shut up now. Enjoy the music!