Audio - Post Divorce

I see the passion, the heartfelt emotion of such threads through the years. It's not often that guys open up like this. Good stuff.  :)

I have been blessed with a good marriage, and I am grateful to God for it. (Please don't rip on my faith, as it is a critical part of MY marriage. I won't preach to you, but I do want to give credit where I believe credit is due.) I have done some reading about relationships and found what I consider a fabulous/important author which has hugely helped us over the past 23 years. His name is Willard Harley, and the first book I ever read of his was entitled "Lovebusters", which has been expanded and reprinted. He has several titles, and another important one for us has been "His Needs, Her Needs". He is a Christian author, but he does not make it the focus of the book; the principles he espouses (pun!) can be used by anyone. 

This was an eye-opener for a guy who had a lot of preconceptions in his twenties. I am convinced that marriage is not the problem, it's how we (men and women) go about marriage than can be the problem. Harley puts the focus on the principle thing, agreement. No agreement, no joy and unity in marriage, and ultimately no love. Compromise and loving negotiation are critical, with an eye toward not hurting one another. I have learned this over time and it is important to the safety and strength of a marriage. (Still not intending to preach, just share my life experience.)

So, applying this to audio, as I see what is healthy for my marriage and love to flourish, I have grown to accept that if my wife was not authentically content with anything I do, audio-related or otherwise, I should not do it. I act with full disclosure and seek her contentment with decisions. If I went ahead against her wishes, I would be withdrawing from the "Love bank," as Harley puts it. I have come to more and more agreement that it is never worth flushing points from the love bank for audio, or any other interest. So, for me, I try my best to seek what is called "enthusiastic agreement," with my wife to preserve our love over any personal goal in audio. 

I hope that you guys who have suffered the pain of divorce heal, and that if you wish, you find love again. :) And enjoy your audio systems! 

What a great thread.

I am lucky. My wife not only supports my audio hobby, she supports my efforts with our local audio club, she built gorgeous inlaid maple amp stands with Eden footers for our amps and has helped with room treatments, etc. 

When my first marriage ended, the list of "who gets what" started with the audio system on my side. After that, my ex got pretty much whatever she wanted because that's the only way it would even out cost-wise. 

Don't worry guys, you'll all find your music-loving soulmates some day. 

I got a good chuckle out of your comment, Buconero, you're right on!

Sometimes a spouse just decides to go down a different path. If your spouse has done that, the love bank is already in overdraft.

As I learned later it turned out infidelity depleted the account

With women its often a case of finding a better deal . 
 Beware of the 50/50 gal , that's a business deal not a marriage .