Czarivey, you succinctly characterized what I had become- a dog on a leash. I'm not a big booze buyer- I once came home with a $50 bottle of whiskey (which I do maybe twice or three times a year) and boy did I get a tongue lashing, even though 1- I was the sole bread winner, and 2- I make a nice income. But I caught hell for it. Yet when I pointed out that my x spent $125-$150 a month at a beauty salon, and insisted on a cleaning lady 2 times a week, well, I as just being insensitive and harsh.
My my first marriage did not end because of stereo or hobbies. It didn't end because I spent money on girls, booze or drugs. It ended because I had become insensitive to the increasingly expensive lifestyle my x was accustomed to and was demanding. That and because I had the audacity to suggest that when I was out of work for 3 months following open heart surgery that my then wife should rejoin the workforce instead of me burning through savings to pay for every single household expense when I was recuperating and drawing no income. And in case anyone is interested, the x is a dentist, you know, one of those really low paying jobs.
But I am not bitter. Better off without that dead weight. I like my new home, and while I did not run out and buy a BMW or a sports car, (ok, I did look at bmws) my system took a quantum leap. And now in the mix of all that, after already divorced, it seems I've actually found a lady more interested in me as a person than someone interested in my wallet. My x would be shocked that such an insensitive and harsh lout as myself could actually be in a good place, and in a good relationship.