Musician vs. audiophile

@uberwaltz touched on this but I didn't see it discussed in any of the previous posts (although I could have missed it).  It sounds like you heard the McIntosh/Martin Logan setup in the store - not in the same room as the BAT/Wilson system.  Could the problem be your room?

As an ex-pro musician, I can see where your wife is coming from..a lot of highly touted gear isn't that much of a step up over what is used in the pro audio field. However, I happen to think that most musicians tend to discount one thing....that thing is the room that the gear is placed in. When in the studio, we typically have a different expectation and realization of the sound of our instruments. In the home environment, there are a lot of details that are impacting the sound. I would suggest that you look first to your room before changing anything....see if a speaker change in position is warranted, or possibly some room acoustic treatments. ( I highly recommend these.)

When I was in graduate school getting advanced degrees in music, most of my professors had crappy portable players.  When I asked them if they had better at home....they all said that whatever is missing they insert the necessary sounds.

??? not sure about crappy portable players, but how about $150k of pro audio equipment less instruments? I doubt that it doesn’t sound better than crappy portable player. For casual listening many do not care, but when it comes to recording they obviously do not use portable recorder or mobile phone. Musicians that are being recorded either at their own studios or other professional ones expect certain level of quality and they’re listening to themselves not through the portable player.
Musician that is neutral to audiophile equipment can more objectively describe performance differences more fair  on the bottom line.

Playing unplugged around a fire vs playing on stage through monitors or in an acoustic space like a studio cannot be fully replicated through a stereo. There are aspects she recognizes like dynamics, transient speed or tone in the Best Buy stereo but all gear offers a compromise. You like the sound your getting and you enjoy it great. Enjoy the music and forget the microscope.