Musician vs. audiophile


We need direction here. My wife, a musician and says my Sophia 3s, powered by BAT 3VK IX tube pre amp and 250w solid state amp sounds flat compared to a freaking Best Buy box store McIntosh/Martin Logan setup...  I can't honestly disagree, specifically when our rig is at low volume.  It lacks color and punch, even with 2ea. JL 12" subs... Help me with your recommendation, please!!!      
repeter
Hi Frogman,
Thanks for sharing your very well presented perspective. I can surely attest to the "engrained" factor of live instruments due to frequent/chronic exposure to them. I’m a former student of the trumpet and still own trumpet and cornet. For 30 years I’ve frequently attended intimate jazz venues that present music that’s often unmiked.

Just the pure sound of various instruments filling the room. This type of exposure is very valuable (not to mention extremely enjoyable) as it does seem to train or condition the ears to immediately recognize this unadulterated sound. It sure seems to be "engrained" in my head 😊.
Charles
I never forgot my nextdoor clarinetist neighbor who was, according to the other musicians , to include Sabina Meyer, the best young player in Berlin,
spend hour after hour sucking on reeds while raising 3 kids .

+1 for Charles comment .
If subs are not correctly calibrated and integrated with a system, they will kill soundstage, warmth and dynamics.
Very interesting topic.  Props to the OP. 
Frogman said:
The degree to which the sound of even our most sophisticated stereo systems deviates from the purity of sound in live unprocessed (or minimally so) music is typically and seriously underestimated by most audiophiles. Musicians who are around the unadulterated purity of live music on a daily basis and who, as charles1dad points out, have that sound engrained in their aural point of view are much more prone to be dismissive of ANY equipment since the flaws are heard so readily.

Stringreen said:

most of my professors had crappy portable players. When I asked them if they had better at home....they all said that whatever is missing they insert the necessary sounds.

bdp24 said:
whatever his "flip-down" record changer (!) didn't reproduce, his mind filled in. And that was perfectly acceptable to him. Not all of us possess that ability!

+1000!!!  I am not a musician and my 65 y.o. ears have significant deficits due to too much R&R "in my yout".  Yet I could immediately tell live music vs. reproduction over the crowd noise and echoing acoustic halfway up a staircase in Grand Central Station or as I opened the car door in the street with a live jazz guitarist playing through a small amp in a friend's back yard.  And then of course, as several have noted, we ALL have our prejudices about what we listen for and what is most important to us.  

To the OP, have you talked about what she finds appealing about one or off-putting about the other?  I imagine it would depend on what instrument(s) and what type of music a musician plays most.  I would guess that a percussionist would find PRAT and bass response to be very important while a pianist might be most influenced by attack, sustain, decay which they can all modulate, and also even response across the spectrum as their instrument covers such a wide range.