Hey Bongofury and Darkmoebius
Forgot to mention all the budget bling I brought you back from Brazil.
Anyway, just before I headed to Rio airport I had to go by the jewelers to pick it all up. I had us all killer big pendants made up too - all genuine imitation gold.
Mine was ready just before I headed to the airport - the chain links are the size of alligator eggs and the medallion is close to the size of an old 45 record. I was so happy when he handed me mine. I looked down at it and was ecstatic when I saw the words "PHAT TOMMY" sparkling in all its iced-out glory. On yours Darkmoebius, I had him bling it out with "DA MOEBSTA" and for Bongofury - "BIG PAPPA". We are going to look great at the Rocky Mountain Hi Fi Show (or whatever they call it), we won't be able to beat the girls off. Wait a minute - are there even girls at these things? There has to at least be a couple of cleaning ladies....don't you think?
When my taxi reached the airport I was wearing so much bling they had to transport me into check-in on one of those airport wheelchairs. I checked my luggage in and the girl said my bags were too heavy and informed me that each of the three bags could only weigh 70lbs. I asked how much I was over and she said each case was 350lbs.... and it might be a problem. I explained that they were full of bling for my charity - The Phat Tommy Phoundation and I was going to give it to all the poor kids in my hood and the rest would go off to Haiti. This brought a tear to her eyes and she put a hand on her stomach and leaned slightly forward in the wounded soldier stance and told me what a wonderful man I was. Personally I think she was star-struck and attracted to me and all my bling. It was pretty obvious she had never been in the company of a middle aged man wearing a pin striped suit and so much bling before.
Anyway, she let it slide and I told her I would give American Airlines a plug on my next number one rap record, no sponsorship money necessary.
All I could think of as I walked away was how much money I was going to make off all the bling selling it for top dollar to the kids in my hood.
I had about an hour to kill before my plane took off for San Fran so I decided to get my limp on and and do a few laps of the concourse to give all the airport girls a chance to check me and my bling out and hopefully hound me for my number, or at least an autograph. Now I'm not saying I am Brad Pitt, and maybe my hairline is receding a bit, ok, more than a bit. In fact if it recedes any more I will have no hair left on my arse. However, I did go to the trouble of having the remaining three inch strip of hair that goes horizontally from ear to ear made into corn rows and chicks dig it. After about 35 laps and no numbers I was finally approached..........by two plain clothes guys. The first one looked me and my medallion up and down, flashed his badge and said "you must be Phat Tommy", to which I replied "oh yea, and you must be Albert f***** Einstein, or did your little sidekick Sherlock Holmes over there figure that one out for you" Needless to say within the hour I was laying on the top bunk sleeping with one eye open in case big Bubba decided try anything funny.
Oh well, maybe it is right what they all say about us hip-hoppers ending up in jail for 1-99, but as far as I am concerned it was nothing more than a targeted profiling case simply because I had a couple of rap CDs on me.
Needless to say, next time I fly I am wearing my Stetson and Wranglers and the only music I will be carrying will be "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy." That song has such "greatness."
Well guys, I guess you can tell I'm bored again tonight, plus I know Dmob always gets a kick out of my idiocy.
Forgot to mention all the budget bling I brought you back from Brazil.
Anyway, just before I headed to Rio airport I had to go by the jewelers to pick it all up. I had us all killer big pendants made up too - all genuine imitation gold.
Mine was ready just before I headed to the airport - the chain links are the size of alligator eggs and the medallion is close to the size of an old 45 record. I was so happy when he handed me mine. I looked down at it and was ecstatic when I saw the words "PHAT TOMMY" sparkling in all its iced-out glory. On yours Darkmoebius, I had him bling it out with "DA MOEBSTA" and for Bongofury - "BIG PAPPA". We are going to look great at the Rocky Mountain Hi Fi Show (or whatever they call it), we won't be able to beat the girls off. Wait a minute - are there even girls at these things? There has to at least be a couple of cleaning ladies....don't you think?
When my taxi reached the airport I was wearing so much bling they had to transport me into check-in on one of those airport wheelchairs. I checked my luggage in and the girl said my bags were too heavy and informed me that each of the three bags could only weigh 70lbs. I asked how much I was over and she said each case was 350lbs.... and it might be a problem. I explained that they were full of bling for my charity - The Phat Tommy Phoundation and I was going to give it to all the poor kids in my hood and the rest would go off to Haiti. This brought a tear to her eyes and she put a hand on her stomach and leaned slightly forward in the wounded soldier stance and told me what a wonderful man I was. Personally I think she was star-struck and attracted to me and all my bling. It was pretty obvious she had never been in the company of a middle aged man wearing a pin striped suit and so much bling before.
Anyway, she let it slide and I told her I would give American Airlines a plug on my next number one rap record, no sponsorship money necessary.
All I could think of as I walked away was how much money I was going to make off all the bling selling it for top dollar to the kids in my hood.
I had about an hour to kill before my plane took off for San Fran so I decided to get my limp on and and do a few laps of the concourse to give all the airport girls a chance to check me and my bling out and hopefully hound me for my number, or at least an autograph. Now I'm not saying I am Brad Pitt, and maybe my hairline is receding a bit, ok, more than a bit. In fact if it recedes any more I will have no hair left on my arse. However, I did go to the trouble of having the remaining three inch strip of hair that goes horizontally from ear to ear made into corn rows and chicks dig it. After about 35 laps and no numbers I was finally approached..........by two plain clothes guys. The first one looked me and my medallion up and down, flashed his badge and said "you must be Phat Tommy", to which I replied "oh yea, and you must be Albert f***** Einstein, or did your little sidekick Sherlock Holmes over there figure that one out for you" Needless to say within the hour I was laying on the top bunk sleeping with one eye open in case big Bubba decided try anything funny.
Oh well, maybe it is right what they all say about us hip-hoppers ending up in jail for 1-99, but as far as I am concerned it was nothing more than a targeted profiling case simply because I had a couple of rap CDs on me.
Needless to say, next time I fly I am wearing my Stetson and Wranglers and the only music I will be carrying will be "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy." That song has such "greatness."
Well guys, I guess you can tell I'm bored again tonight, plus I know Dmob always gets a kick out of my idiocy.