is it sacrilege?

Do you want to have sex or not? I would call them vibration control devises and tell your wife they are wonderful.

If it still sounds good, then you can get copies of the statues and sell them as "speaker enhancers" or such!

as long as they don't need to be watered. I still have a big ugly water stain ring on top of one of my '75 vintage Infinity Monitor IIa's, that are otherwise in near mint condition. This from a plant my wife decided would look real nice sitting on top of the speaker. No way it will come out.

I think a statue of Venus Di Milo would be just fine.

Put the statues in small acrylic cases first. They won't look quite so stupid, and won't have to be dusted by certain non-audiophiles.