paranoid listener-damaging speakers?

As someone else mentioned - get an spl meter. As to hearing loss due to acoustic trauma - again, get an spl meter and take a look at reputable medical/audiology sites as to the level and duration of exposure that is unhealthy in this regard. What is subjectively loud depends on a lot of things, distortion will sound loud and distortion comes into play as to what will damage your speakers. Conversly, distortion does not come into play with what will damage your hearing. Actually , the highly distorted sound will likely cause you to turn the volume down prior to any damage to your hearing. It isn't the perceived loudness that damages your hearing, it is the force of the sound wave hitting the anatomical structures.

"If it's too loud, you're too old!!"

No really, if there is no clipping/distortion you should be fine. I have a very large room and I have not idea what level's I listen at, but, I know we cannot talk to each other in the room while the music is on.

The louder, the better. Well, as long as you don't hurt your hearing.

Well, I forgot to say, if there is distortion I agree you either need more power from an amp, or if you love your amp, more efficient speakers. I love the Tannoy and Klipsch Heritage sound with tubes!!

so when i get this spl meter; any tips on how to correctly do the measuring? from the listening chair? at 1 meter from 1 speaker? thanks

Specs for speakers are usually given at 1 meter from the speaker. As to your ears - the listening position.