How loud is loud, What DB is actually loud?

Niacin: you should try a good headphones setup. Then for when you want LOUD, you can use the phones.
I use headphones at night if I want to hear Rock..
And your wife will(almost certainly) have better hearing than you anyway.. it is a fact women have better hearing than men by a big margin, on average.
(Google it before you scorch me with flaming responses!)

I listen to music around 80db with peaks to 90db with a Radio Shack SPL meter. Obviously I can turn it up higher if really in the mood to rock, however the best part of a great music passage is the silence inbetween the riffs. The dynamic range and level of a recording has plenty to do with what level sounds good to the listener. Most of the rap is recordeed at the full range capable so all the music and lyrics are at the same volume level. This is just as bad a compressed music MP3 etc.
For me it is about the sound quality. The experience of the music. Volume takes second chair.

Add on: the 140dB jet taking off is a military, the 130dB is civilian.
And right now I am listening to some rock at average 62dB and really loving it.

Rocking out starts at 95 dB SPL IMHO and can go as high as 105 db SPL at the listening position. You need a system that is capable of producing these prodigious volumes cleanly with as low distortion as at 85 db SPL or else it will just sound awful rather than exhilarating.

What does 'big brother' say? Most towns have noise level ordinances. In the ordnance it will give what db's are considered objectionable,and which could get you a ticket. The most common use of these rules is to silence noisy air condition units. I would agree that 90db would be tops, with most listening being done at 75db to provide lack of strain. Hopefully you have found a good audiologist and have had your hearing levels checked. Only a good hearing test will tell you what actual levels you are 'hearing'. Oh, if you over 65 always get the wax removed. Medicare pays for two cleanings a year. You will be surprised how the latter provides better listening.