My wife and I have been married for twenty years and we love each other….now.
My wife wants to support me because she loves me but just can't get what the interest is and can get jealous if she isn't careful.
1. "You love that stereo more than anything"
("You love that stereo more than me")
2. "Are you going to listen to that thing all night?"
(“Can you show me the same affection you do to that stereo” or "You love that stereo more than me")
3. Song is playing “I hate that, it gives me a headache”
(“Are you going to listen to that thing all night” … “You love…)
Since I have a good friend who is a dealer and I was part owner of a Home Theater business I have had a tremendous amount of equipment through my home and my wife lost track of what is mine and what is on loan. This was accidental but has worked well because she stopped trying to keep up with what we were buying and what we were auditioning.
(In other words, start auditioning equipment (the more the better) until it is too confusing to keep up with)
Also my wife used to take care of the budget but it was too much stress and so I reluctantly took it over trying to relieve her the headache. This has required more work on my part but it also means she doesn't see when/where all the transactions take place (wink wink). And because I am a good loving husband, I don't burden her with "expenditures" that would stress her out.
(In other words, take over the budget)
How she refers to the everything:
My growing CD library: your music
All equipment and wires: the stereo (usually said with a mild hint of disdain)
DVD and now the VCR sometimes: the stereo (usually said with a mild hint of disdain)
Equipment rack: stereo stand
Remote: the wand
How I refer to the same things:
My growing CD library: my music
All equipment and wires: the stereo (usually said with a wild hint of destiny)
-the amp = the amp
-the pre-amp = the thing with the knobs
-CD player/transport = the CD player
-DAC = the CD player
-cabling = speaker wire and interconnects (yea, one I can say normal – but of course never single ended
or balanced
-tubes – glowy things (must be universal)
DVD and now the VCR sometimes: the stereo (usually said with a mild hint of patients)
Equipment rack: stereo rack
Remote: the wand – the “thingie” (said while holding your right had out (if your right handed) thumb leading showing a squeezing motion)
How to handle the check when unavoidable?
1. Buy something she wants for the household first – the more you spend on her (in our case household improvements) , the more the piece of equipment can cost.
2. Proactively say in casual conversation while fixing dinner in between discussion about how the day went, something about how good a deal you got on the new ________ you fill in the blank. Change subject quickly to avoid troublesome questions.
3. On the day you know the question is coming and you can’t avoid any longer, send her a simple group of flowers with a nice card. Make sure you do this once in a while between purchases or the connection will be made.
4. “Can we afford that?” … “Oh yea, were fine”
5. If pressed then just say “bonus” or “tax return” – this is good even months after the fact if you are careful how you manage your finances and set expectations with your wife. You want to leave the impression that this money has still not been spent.
6. Remember, balance your own check book and audition equipment as often as possible.
As proof, I sold all my expensive stuff off about 8 months ago and have only recently begun to put together a new entry level system with a plan to upgrade slowly. I have gotten everything except a CD player and have had several in house trying them out. I just returned the latest player and said something about being frustrated that I was without a player. She said, “I thought you bought the last one” and I said “No, I was just trying it out” She said, “You know, you seemed to like that one player best, you know that one in the big box (8 or 9 months ago), I said, “You mean the Waida (860x)” and she said, “Yeam that one” I said well that was a little more than I wanted to spend, after all it was a $7,000 player. She said “Oh!” with with great surprise. I haven’t told her yet that I just ordered a Gamut CD-1 less than ½ of the Wadia (he, he). But we did just buy almost 3k worth of new furniture over the weekend…you know Bouns and Tax Return.
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