The best "no fuss" turntable for $5K or less?

You may have answered your own question. Without knowing your listening priorities and equipment, The VPI family offers a number of possibilities such as the Aries 2, Scoutmaster/JMW9 Signature/high quality cart of your choosing/SDS or Walker Motor Controller combo. all non fussy, easy to set up, they stay set up so you can stay up listening...

There are others in this price range from Teres, Avid, Acoustic Signature, but without knowing more about what you are looking for other than non fussy, in your price range there are quite a few fine choices.

you may want to check into the Nottingham Spacedeck. I personally own the Nottingham Dais, and can vouch for the fact that it is very low fuss.

I really like my rega p-9, pretty much level it and forget about it.

VPI Super scoutmaster......!!!!!

BASIS Turntable