Best Audio Related Story (or joke).

Heres one for ya, this happened to me about 20 years ago.
I work in HVAC.
After working a long day doing service calls till about 10 PM. I get home sit in my seat in the stereo room figuring I'll wind down alone because the wife has gone to bed by now but low and behold in comes my wife and says to me you must have had a hard day and picks up my feet from the foot stool and takes off my shoes and lights me a smoke. She does not smoke and cannot stand it mind you. Says I'll be right back, she returns with dinner and gives it to me also goes and gets me a drink. Kitchen is supposed to be closed at 8:00 and always had before that day. I look at my wife and say, okay what has happened your going way overboard here. The wife looks at me say's Well.... I turned on the stereo and all of a sudden it starts making popping noises, smoking and making pretty color sparks. I ask here did she turn it on as we had agreed and she looks at me with those sad eyes and said "of course, honey!" I even switched all the switches up and down many times trying to make it stop doing those things and I even did that hale Mary thingy you do every time you turn it on! That was a very expensive day. Both the amps and preamp were toast. The mercury on all the tube turned black and 2 output tubes had exploded. I had Audio Research SP6 & 2 D90's bridged for mono mode at the time and always prayed before turning the system on, usually worked for me. In those days AR sounded great but had issue with powering on and tube life.

Why dope the speaker when you can dope the listener. ( That the best f#%#!!! ghetto blaster I've ever heard.)

A lady goes shopping at the local super market. She finds the young cashier attractive. So she asks him if he could he carry the grocery bags out to the car. He agrees. As they exit she wispers into his ear that she has an itsybushi, he replies lady "itsybushi mitsubishi these cars all look the same".

Three audiophiles are travelling across the desert to reach a Home Theater Expo (obviously not this year). They are pressed for time and hire the quickest camels available. And they take off. Two of the camels are making excellent time but the third is making loops in the sand! So he returns to the camel rental depot and complains. Upon hearing the story the camel mechanic has the camel walk over to the pit. He gets down into the pit with two rocks in his hands finds the camel's gonads and slams them with the rocks. The camel takes off like a rocket ship. The audiophile remarks " Wow thats incredible, but now how do I catch up to him?" The mechanic says " Stand over the pit!"

True story about a provincial orchestra in Argentina, performing the 1812 overtue. A trombone player was a tad too effective in entering into the spirit of Borodino and the siege of Moscow. As you would, he put a large firecracker in his trombone, setting it off to accompany the cannon fire at the climax. Good plan, but the firecracker was very large indeed. After the explosion in the brass section, the trombone slide shot through the string section, scattering them like Cossacks scything through French infantry. It then struck the conductor a hefty blow in the abdomen, throwing him off the podium, collapsing the first 5 rows of the audience.
Altogether, a very successful reenactment of the chaos of 1812.