Will people buy Snake Oil?

Alas, some people will claim they can't hear a difference. But, hey....I'm sure I need some.....

FORGET THIS PRODUCT! My company has something better. In keeping with names that young people identify with (and can spell) Znaque Oyul Inc. introduces Eeer Lenziz. This product consists of three magic soda straws that hang in front of each ear from an unobtainium head frame with spikes. Samples have been sent all revievers, with a notes enclosed stating that they needn't return the samples, thus ensuring "Class A" reviews.

the original was blacklisted. It seems it became the most likely candidate in the mysterious death of family pets. Turns out the main ingredient was ethylene glycol laced with corn starch for thickener. The less known property of resistance to upper thermal extremes was perfect for those self proclaimed experts now matter how hot they got. Even the loss of Rover and Scooby-Doo was originally tollerated, aparently Fido had previously decided that his masters $10,000.00 power cord resembled rawhide string.

Maybe I am a cross-reference freak (or just plain freak, hell I don't know), but would the ear hair clipping suggested by another thread allied to this fine product produce significant synergy and turn non-existant improvements into "substantial sonic dividends" and borderline differences into "HUGE improvements"? Could I hear below 20hz and way above 20khz even if I have reached the half century mark, with half that time immersing my ears in the good, the bad and the ugly sound-wise at high db levels? I do so much want to be a golden eared audiophile, where can I write for this fine fine product and do you have an "ES" or "signature" version with better chemicals used throughout? I surely would be ready to pay at least ten times for that better version. I await your speedy reply and look to you with failing ears...

Not so fast buddy! Now explain to me how does this work? Now can I wear my glasses during listening sessions? Does it work with headphones? How much use you get out of one application? Put me in waiting list anyway....