I have been using "airtunes" from my imac directly to my stereo via airport express. the results have been surprisingly good sound wise (which was my biggest fear) but unpredictable in terms of signal drop. I am not sure what is causing the interference/ drop but I suspect it is my imac processor at times...maybe just someone picking up the cordless phone in our building. I have not had the problem you have of having to control my library remotely. I would suggest that you first make sure that the problem lies in the server - client transfer and not in the airtunes signal try controlling airtunes via the imac for a few days. if the problem persists, then it is aitunes' problem and go to the apple site for an article on overcoming audio-drop while using airport express ( I havent had much success yet but others have--see discussion forums on apple's site). if the problem is solved then your best bet and in some ways may be to connect ibook to external harddrive while serving itunes which is what I ended up doing (hardwired to stereo ie no airtunes)
hope this helps
Dimitri
hope this helps
Dimitri