Girlfriends and wifes, how do YOU cope?


I would be very interested in finding out how one manages to justify (or sneak in the home) expensive audio equipment without having to sell your soul to the Devil? It's quite a challenge for many of us I think. I heard of someone buying a Bel Canto DAC and telling his girlfriend that " Oh it's just a $ 100.00 power conditionner", or whatever. Seem like we need to get creative here if we can pursue this crazy hobby much longer! Regards All...
ampman66
1.Insist that your wife has golden ears and can hear far better than you, even if she hasn't and cannot hear the difference between the sound of a radio-clock and say the $70kilo Pipedreams.
2.Let her criticise your system und take her remarks seriously. Even if they are far off the mark, make an effort to pretend to. Don't argue, be grateful!
3. At your next upgrade, tell her that it was thanks to her advice that you took the necessary steps. If she has golden ears, she'll be happy. If she has tin-ears, she wouldn't know the difference. The result however is identical as well as beneficial:
4.She will be sure, that apart from listening to your system, you are also listening to her. (~;
Typical shrink, Detlof! What will you do, if your lady becomes a true audiophile in her own right? That's what I did. The motto here is more simple and more effective than yours:
If you can't beat them, join them.....and then beat them anyway, because mostly we hear better, especially into those details which make for PRAT.
I'm always amused by these threads. I don't see how dealing with audio expenditures are different than the various other negotiations, communications, and compromises that are part and parcel of relationships.

To some people, I would say that the difficulties they have in this area are the tip of a larger iceberg which they should work on.

Some folks seem to be more emotionally wedded to their audio gear than to their significant others. In these pathetic cases, I would advise getting out of their relationships if they can... Your priorities are elsewhere.

Most people who participate in these threads are just taking the opportunity to harmlessly vent. Also he says - she says is a popular formula at comedy clubs. Frivolity is good entertainment as are the largely frivolous luxuries (in the grand scheme of things) that are a focus of audiophiles.
Sek, you make an interesting point and most can hardly disagree. Certainly, hobbies should generally play second fiddle to a long term relationship. At the same time, good long term relationships are "give and take" so successful ones are usually those that allow everyone involved to express themselves and be themselves.

I would like to add though, that the gear and the music are wed (no pun intended). Food and shelter are certainly the highest priorities for everyone, but art is not frivolous (going back to pre-historic times, it has always had a place in even the most desperate conditions). The gear is much like the canvas -- necessary to convey what is really important. Do we tend to spend toooo much time on the gear? Sure. But that's our hobby, and the means to the passion: Music.

To your point, let's not let it interfere too much with all our other passions in life. Thanks again for the thoughts. With that said, let's keep having some fun with this ;-) Cheers.
Katharina, as you well know, I'm an old cynic, but I hope all the same, that neither you or anybody else took my post above seriously. I was just poking fun...Hope you come over soon, golden eared one, and I'll heat up the Quads. Cheers,
1 - get her into the sound of the system (even if you have to listen to horrid eighties music).

2 - make small changes on a regular basis - and ask her to give her opinion of the changes they make.

3 - choose a part of your system that you can roll over on a regular basis without changing the basic sound or spending much money at all ... then swap that part out just for the sake of change as often as possible.

4 - be open and honest about the costs involved in 2 & 3.

5 - make your major changes after she supports the small changes ... don't treat big changes any different than the small ones.

This strategy has worked for me very well as of late. One year ago my system was monitors on wooden milk crate with electronics not nearly as resolving as I would have liked. In the past week my wife has signed for the deliveries of my Hales Rev 3s and Classe CAP-150. She's actually on my case to get the CAP into the system so she can hear how it sounds!
Girlfriends and/or Wives are NOT allowed entry to the extra space at my office, where I can and do spend many selected late hours listening at whatever volume I wish, drinking whatever I want, with whomever I choose, to the components of MY choice.

The a/v system stays in the house.
Stereo: "listening at whatever volume I wish, drinking whatever I want, with whomever I choose". WOW! What's the magic formula -- do you offer consulting services?
This isn't Mr Deiselr it is Mrs Deiselr. I just happen to have some free time to spend on the computer because Mr Deiselr is in front of OUR system giving our 6 month old, Baby Deiselr his last bottle and it is a beautiful thing. The pursuit of wonderful, fulfilling, enriching music (because that is what the system provides) is a worthy endeavor. When system purchases are desired to be made in our household it is certinially not at the expense of the mortage and I do admit that even at a "good" time I sometimes have a bit of buyers remorse. Anyway, I guess my point is that one partner shouldn't be deceiving the other (there is no excuse for that) and this nice girl who has a problem with how much her significant other spends may want to count how many pairs of shoes she has, or how many make up counter $14 lipsticks she has. Smaller price tags but same principal. By-the-way, the last comment from Gregm......I bet you don't have a women around long enough to keep them away from his equpiment (stereo equipment that is)
Great post, Mrs D! And thanks for taking the time to post... Re, Stereo's post: my problem is loudness. When I play loud, my wofe leaves the room. She leaves me in the room -- but it's more fun listening with her company than w/out!

Cheers!
I don't cope. My wife is my wife because she has a equal love of music. When I get the urge to purchase new stuff I include her ears in the purchase. I've saved lots of money when she says she can't hear the difference. When she does its an easier sale. Sometimes we audiophiles get too caught up in new technology or sales hype and need to be saved by the honest question about is the sound actually improved? She helps me separate wishful thinking (or listening) from reality. I respect her ears and her judgement and in return she doesn't begrudge new stuff coming in the door.
Wife is a problem but the Girlfriend Loves the system and doesn't care what I spend on it!
:-))))
Hmm one day I've played Piazzola record in my listening room and my wife started to dance with my baby-son. The tonearm hooked up with Lyra Helikon started to jump back and fourth along with my heart. Fourtunately the stylus/cantilever is OK but listening room now is for listening ONLY and drinking (no analogue playback is allowed when an intercourse occurs inside the listening room on the listening or near the listening couch).
I used to lie about money spent i.e. Michell GyroDec $600 only but the look of this turntable so attracted my wife that she agreed that this TT is worth buying whatever it costs since it's much nicer looking than my previous Rega P3.
what ya do is! strut through the door with ya pricy gear wait for the moaning to commense from the female party.....stick your fingers in your ears and stamp ya feet and yell nah nah nah nah nah i cant hear u, nah nah nah nah nah....
30 years ago, my future (and now present) wife (bless her heart) insisted on separate bank accounts. So now its just a matter of aesthetics, not $$.
I tell my girlfriend I am going to buy something, but I keep saying that I am not sure which unit I will buy, and therefore tell her a price range which is usually quite broad. Then I buy something and when she asks how much it was, I tell her the price at the top of the range. After she moans about the price, I say, "Would you be happier if I bought the $X unit?" where X is the actual cost of the unit, more in the middle of the range. She says yes, and then I tell her OK, that is what it costs. She has no more steam to argue with, she knows the truth and everyone is happy. Then I wait six months and repeat with the next component.
Woe to the married audiophile. It's a constant battle. Great post by the way!

First of all, why is this such a male only activity? I don't get it. Is it the fascination with tweeking, with electronics?

Well, what works best for me is not to surprise my wife, but to just wear her down. She ends up saying, "just go buy it."

Now mind you I have one of the cheapest systems ever. I've spent a total of less than $2000 for a kick -ss sounding system. I have Dahlquist speakers hooked up to an old B&K.

Dan
I would have to agree with the "call it a Christmas/birthday/special event"purchase that shouldn't have to happen more than a couple of times a year...tops. -especially if it's a considerable change. I've been caught too many times by my [completely disinterested in my hobby] wife w/ either a new pre, power or whatever, and it's no longer worth the hassle. The secret is you have got to sell the old [or I could never justify another transaction w/ my "perfectly good one"] and you've got to start talking about it in plenty of time before.... about how much you need the new piece. That argument/reasoning is usually the hardest part of the equation...why do I NEED it?"It's one of the most fun parts of the hobby", or something along those lines... its always been a tough time. Also, if a great deal does come up between holidays/birthdays its even tougher.I wish she had some interest, but she just doesn't.
Dan, from what the ladies tell me, its like this: We men like playing and will never grow up. Its only women who will take life seriously: Subjugating husbands, managing the dough, running the family and keeping the premises clean. But then I have no idea, if this is true of course. At any rate, it does not seem quite politically correct, does it? Happy new Year ! (-;
I made quite a bit of progress when I asked my wife what about the purchase at hand bothered her - is it the money, the fact that she doesn't like the UPS guy showing up, the fact that it's taking up my time, etc. I think it helped her see that it's really arbitrary on her part to mind, at least in some ways - she doesn't understand it, so it bugs her. Obviously, any time you want to spend as much as these (admitted) toys cost, money is an issue, but I think the activity of new gear showing up, old gear shipping out is just a reminder of a process she doesn't understand even though she doesn't actively resent the money being spent. -Kirk
My wife caught me studying the TacT web site (I have a birthday coming up), and I started explaining what the RCS digital room correction gadget does. "It goes between the CD transport and the . . .," I began. "Yes," she put in, "it goes between the wife and the husband."
Actually she's very agreeable about this hobby (as long as we have money in the bank), being a music-lover herself and a fine amateur pianist. When I change something in our system, she can tell in an instant if it makes a real improvement . . . or not.
Funny lines, Vaslchaf!

My wife is the same way. She doesn't want to know ANYTHING about the technology behind the stuff. She even told me NOT to even try to explain it, becuase it would ruin it for her.

But she will tell me if it sounds good or not!

KP
this is how it works for me.
Marry a woman with a great job.[$$$]
Buy a small used audio store [as I have}
Bring every extremely good piece home to "check it out". Of course the stuff you like never makes it back to the store,and there's such a parade of gear in and out that no one can keep track.
Is it deceptive? possibly. But it works.
P.S. Im tires of my Threshold pre. Sure wish someone would trade-in a cool pre today.......
I tell her how much the stuff really costs and say "Aren't you lucky I'm not spending this money on another woman?!?"

Seriously, she knows how music, and my system, relaxes me and helps cope with this thing we call LIFE.
We have a new house and with it I've been upgrading all of my 20 year old TV and stereo equipment. My wife has been patient with my desires and wishes and we have worked to a compromise on the TV topic. Yes, we could get an HDTV, but it to be an inexpensive 27" TV (we picked a Samsung that is splendid for less than $1000). However, ironically, the month I decide I'm going to invest in that new McIntosh integrated amp I've sought for 20 years my wife decides we're going to track ALL of our expenses for that month to determine our monthly costs and create budgets. Doh! So we discussed it and agreed I would not share the cost of the amp (fortunately, she is not aware of the McIntosh value). But to be fair I'm going to reduce my other expenditures for the year. This is what I'm learning about marriage: it is all about comprimising to meet each other's needs and there is a balance which must be acheived. You both must respect each other's interests and allow each other to follow them. I agree as others have stated here that honesty is important. Admit that it IS an expensive piece of equipment, but be willing to make trade-offs in other areas, like holding off trading in that old Subaru for another year.

Before I was married a friend of mine gave me this advice: buy all your toys now because once you're married it won't be so easy to sneak them in the door.
budrew-one of my newest audiogon friends told me that just last week! get your toys now, while you still have the chance! I guess you both must be right ;)
Not bad advice, but not a cure-all either. If you're used to buying toys, you're not going to stop being interested once you get married or just because you've finally got your dream system. Plus, you'll find that your "needs" change - I've got more room to set up an awesome system now than at any time in my life, but with three other people in the house I don't have quite the flexibility for setup I used to have. If I already had my Dynaudio Evidence's powered by the baddest monoblocs I could imagine, I wouldn't be able to set them up today anyway. I'm way more interested in getting fabulous sound in the space I do have. It's far more important that you set expectations going into the marriage than to have acquired all the toys. -kirk
Someone, I think it was Albert, perhaps in this thread or perhaps in a similar one, pointed out, that it was important to make quite clear, right at the start of a relationship, ones dedication to music and the consequences this might have, so the choice is the lady's, if she is willing to live with this or not. Its honest, its clear and its true to oneself. This attitude is very similar to mine and through my life - which by now is a fairly long one - I've adhered to it and not done badly. Perhaps I've been lucky, because I never fell in love with anybody, who did not love music and infatuations to the contrary never really lasted long. If I think back on my most important relationship, which lasted almost 40 years, we never had an argument about equipment, because she knew it would serve the music, which we both loved. She used to look at my system as a musical instrument, which was evolving, a work in progress, listening critically, advising, helping. It was a passion we shared, music, the gear was only a means to its end. If I read some of the posts above, I suppose, I've been really blessed and very lucky. Cheers,
Detlof, as an analyst, perhaps my answer to the question "girlfriends and wife, how do you cope?" will interest you because it relies on the difference between masculine and feminine attitudes towards listening pleasure. I can clarify this apropos of the psychoanalytic opposition between "enjoyment of drives" and "enjoyment of the other," since this opposition is sexualized. On the one hand, men follow the closed, ultimately solipsistic, circuit of drives which find their satisfaction in idiotic masturbatory (autoerotic) activity, in the perverse circulating around an object (e.g. a piece of music) as an object of drive. On the other hand, women are subjects for whom access to enjoyment is much more closely linked to the domain of other people's discourse, to how they not so much talk, as are talked about: say, musical pleasure hinges on the animated talk of the co-listener, on the satisfaction provided by speech itself and not just the act of listening in its infantile and onanistic stupidity. And does not this contrast explain the long-observed difference in how the two sexes relate to the "listening room"? Men are much more prone to use the listening room as a masturbatory device for their solitary listening immersed in stupid repetitive pleasures playing their records, while women are more prone to participate in chat in the listening room, using the listening room for exchanges of speech. There is another--more radical--point to be made here: namely, a "true woman" is defined by a certain radical act: the act of taking from man, her partner, of obliterating--even destroying--that which means everything to him, and which is more important to him than his own life, the precious treasure around which his life resolves. As the exemplary figure of such an act in my life, I will mention my previous fiance who, upon learning that I was involved with another woman, appropriated my Jadis amplifiers, my most precious possession at the time, and donated it to a Salvation Army store in Manhattan--it is in this horrible act of destroying that which matters most to her partner (whether through chat in the listening room, or through appropriating his most treasured component or recording) that a woman acts as a true woman and copes with her partner's way of enjoying himself.
Slawney, a pleasure to see you back and a beautiful piece indeed. Your analysis, though of course politically highly incorrect, is of course psychologically more than correct,if you truly reduce the whole affair down to its brass tacks. It was Chaucer after all, who about a millenium ago pointed out, that the basic interest of woman was power - benevolently wielded, if you're lucky, maliciously, if you cross the lady. Was it not Shakespeare who said, that "hell hath no fury as a woman scorned", vide your Jadis. He also speaks of them as " those empty vessels". Obviously he understood something about male projection. In that sense our systems are empty vessels as well, aren't they? (~;
the girlfriend left (not too broken up about that), never been married....just me and the mutt, and we are both happy:D

Cinepro 20, here i come!!!!
Slawney. Very nice discourse. Sounds like you destroyed her heart and she destroyed your "heartware". I'm not getting into a discussion of which is most dear. However, if we flip this around a bit, aren't many of the responses in this thread related to inclusion and sharing as the keys to coping? If a woman destroys the things you love if she is treated wrong, does it follow that she would protect the things you love most if she is treated right?
My problem is less cost justification (i've taken the cowards way out and just don't discuss how much this stuff costs) but WAF (wife acceptance factor). I came across a sort of solution by bringing home a monolithic rear projection tv. She hated that so much that it had to go (substituted by a neat little projector). With audio the biggest objection I got was bringing home a pair of kef reference 3.2's. They were way to big for her tastes. So moving to the living voice obx's has her in smiles.
This thread makes me chuckle, so I will pass on a little tale that might help you out. Show this one to your wives if they think you go "too far"...
Upon moving into the new domicile, It was discovered that I just COULD NOT get the turntable to be free from the shabby listening room floors "bendable" nature. Even a wall mount would not work. (Next house will be a concrete dome...)

Since the listening room does not have a basement under it, I did the right thing. Well, I thought it was the right thing.

As my wife got home from a long day at work, she found my brother, a friend and I deep into a project. The living room rug was history, there was a 4'X 4' hole in what used to be the floor/subfloor and where there once was the concrete pad that the original addition was built on, now was a 4 foot round, six foot deep..hole right into the ground.

She asked if we had too many beers. (There were only two empty cases in the kitchen.) She then asked if we had finally gone off and killed the trash next door and needed a place to dump the bodies.
Then she asked how she would get the concrete dust off of everything.
The WORST thing however, was the aircompressor spitting oil all over the porch after it ran the jackhammer for an hour to chop out the concrete. (carpet number two)

She decided it would be best to go to her friends house untill the dust settled and the slightly intoxicated helpers were gone.

The next afternoon, with a new piece of plywood on the floor she realized that there was a 4X4, sunk 6 feet into the ground (no bodies dear), then concreted under the house.

There were no arguements about the whole affair, we both knew better. I dont tell her what furniture to buy, what dishes, art supplies, dog classes, "you want a new car honey?" Go ahead, buy that new dress, it looks nice on you. Get the PROTON clock radio dear, not the cheapie. Go for the gusto! You like that color for the siding? Okay..etc etc.
The sound system and the autos are MY department. Everything else is hers.

In my living room now protudes a nicely stained 4X4 with a "home-made" plastic gasket around it. There is a cut in our carpet that "kind of" hides the interface between the floor and the 4 feet of beam sticking out of it.
The concrete dust has settled and been cleaned.

The LP12 sits on its perch like a proud bird on a dock piling. We have had company over the years that have commented on the "ugly" thing next to the "ugly" seven foot tall metal rack. "What is THAT for? Don't you stay with the times? We have CD's nowadays you know..."
A few have actually been seen to have goosebumps when she would proudly smile and say "yeah, but listen to this new Sting we just had imported from the UK."

As the Grado dropped in the groove, those without ears of tin understood.

But I still joke about that day she came home and handled the situation so well. It all worked out. Plus, she got new floor coverings. ;)

The day after, as we danced on our bare living room floor with zero upset to the stylus riding in the groove....she said, "I think the sound is wonderfull, but I think the cartridge is getting a bit tired. Maybe you should go get a new one."

God, I love my wife.
Damn it Gumby, if you are trying to make the rest of us jealous, it's working.

At least now I know how you came by your moniker.
I carry with me what is known as "Hush Money". Whenever I make a major purchase, it is always followed up with a little something for the wife. Her hobby is the computer, so I will purchase a video card, memory, harddrive....that keeps her off my back. Try it, it works...
My wife doesn't know anything about my hobby and could care less; she's too wrapped up in her Boyd's Bears and all of her other useless junk. I recommend this approach; when your wife or girlfriend complains about how much you spend on stereo equipment, ask her if she would rather you go out and spend the money gambling, drinking or chasing other women. That usually shuts them up.
Bob-Great advice I'll have to remember that! You guys are gonna save me when I start getting into trouble, all of this valuable information.
~Tim
It has been my experience that trying to cope (read supressing ones' desires/needs in order to avoid conflict) leads to hurt, anger, high blood pressure, depression, alcohol abuse, lawyers, and other bad things.

On the other hand, doing what gives you pleasure, peace, and in general a warm fuzzy feeling, leads to --- a warm fuzzy feeling.

Guess which path I've chosen.
A dozen fairly simple approaches to this issue are listed below. For those of you who do not immediately perceive the connections between the following technical procedures and the installation, evaluation and adjustment of new audio equipment, I suggest the empirical approach -- try them, see whether they work for you, and use those which do.
1 -- Take your wife or girlfriend out to dinner or a movie about once a week. Ask her what restaurant or movie she wants to go to, and then go there without argument. Regardless of whether the food or the movie's plot are any good, tell her that you enjoy spending time with her.
2 -- Buy her flowers occasionally. Don't wait until you have ticked her off about something, and then try to make floral amends. Buy her flowers for no particular reason at all. You don't have to buy expensive ones, either. Just figure out what her favorite color is, buy flowers that color, put them in a vase with some water for her, and kiss her on the cheek or the back of her neck.
3 -- Even if she is an intelligent and professionally accomplished woman who is more than capable of handling auto maintenance on her own, keep an eye on the tire pressures and mileage of her car. When the tires need some more air, or it's due for an oil change, go take care of it yourself instead of telling her that she needs to do it. When you bring it back, tell her you just wanted to make sure that she was safe.
4 -- Do NOT buy her lingerie from a store with a catalog featuring airbrushed photos of surgically enhanced models under 25. Instead, buy her a good-sized gift certificate to a women's clothing store featuring attractive but not excessively stylish clothes whose prices are higher than she usually spends on herself. Express pleasure with and compliment the ensuing purchase.
5 -- If she looks upset about something, ask her what's wrong. Then shut up and just listen. Even if you disagree with what she says, even if it makes you so angry that steam comes out of your ears, just shut up and listen. When she is finished, don't respond. Just tell her you'll think about it. Then do think about it for at least a day before talking to her about it again.
6 -- When you're upset about something, don't tell her what a bad person she is, or how she always does this, that, or the other thing. Just tell her that it makes you unhappy when she does whatever it is, without casting aspersions on her motives or character.
7 -- Even if she doesn't look upset about anything at all, ask her occasionally how things are doing, and listen attentively when she tells you.
8 -- Ask her for some advice or suggestions about something, like how she thinks you ought to handle a problem with one of the kids, or how she wants to decorate one of the rooms, and let her know that you take what she says seriously. Try doing what she suggests, and then telling her how well it worked and what a good idea it was.
9 -- Sit down with her at some point to discuss the family budget, and reach agreement on some specific biweekly or monthly figure to be saved in a "toy account" for future purchases. Wait until you have enough money saved up in the account to pay for your next piece of audio equipment, so that you're not buying it on credit. Do your best to buy equipment whose price is reasonably proportional to other things in your life. (If your audio system costs more than the tuition, room and board at your oldest child's college, some reconsideration of priorities might be in order.)
10 -- If you're going to get a new piece of equipment, trying to sneak it in may be counterproductive. She'll probably notice anyway, and be annoyed even if she doesn't say anything about it. Tell her what you plan to get, and why. Unless she acts particularly interested or knowledgeable, keep the identification and explanation brief and non-technical. A couple of sentences in plain English is good. Multiple paragraphs in technobabble is bad. Make sure that she knows that the money to pay for it is coming out of the "toy account," and that there's enough in there for it.
11 -- Exercise self-restraint regarding the number, scope and cost of structural modifications which you make to your primary residence for reasons of acoustical improvement or oscillatory damping. Remember, they've rebuilt Avery Fisher Hall at Lincoln Center several times now, and they still don't have the acoustics quite right. If Bolt, Beranek & Newman couldn't make one of the premier concert halls in the country come out perfectly, your chances of accomplishing better results with fewer resources may be somewhat limited, and your spouse doesn't sleep in Lincoln Center every night.
12 -- If your wife or girlfriend is accepting, interested, knowledgeable about or involved in audiophile equipment, and willing to sit with you and listen to music on your equipment, you should go to church on Sunday (or schul on Shabat, or your personal equivalent) without further delay and express your gratitude for the unusual blessings which have been bestowed upon you by the grace and generosity of your benevolent Creator.
20k in the last 18 months, I finally bought her a Tag watch for the last valentine's day...anytime she starts in, I merely ask her the time and she settles right down!!!
Honesty is most important. Secondly, cut a deal. I get a _______ and you can get a _______ . Hopefully your spouse will have a passion about something in life.
Tim, my friend, don't EVEN think about following Bob's advice. What are you crazy? Doesn't Gumbydammit's approach sound much mo betta? so young, so much to learn.... :)
aj
My wife has allowed me to upgrade my equipment but without having a knock um drag out fight. She does not understand the magic of music and how it is important in my life. With that said We are going to have some remodeling on the home and at this time she can spend the money the way she wants to. A tit for a tat and happiness can be found. Compromise can work wonders
I agree with Angela's advice (7-22-01) Get your wife interested in listening. That is what I did. And not listening in the sense of "gee honey don't the new cables sound better" (ie, don't be an equipment geek). Listen to music , damit, not equipment. Put music on that she likes and for krisake, listen to an entire recording without jumping up to adjust something.
Also a some wine and snacks help. I have a dedicated listening room that has a lock on the door. We go to the room with the bottle of wine and some .... ur...um... oh, better leave that part out. But anyway,we put on some music, turn the lights low and lock the door (don't want kids getting out of bed and walking in unannounced, do we )and, shall we say, let the music carry us away. Which is what music is supposed to do. Oh, vaccuum tubes do indeed have a romantic glow.
This is what the listening experience should be. It should be about enjoying the music and incorporating it into you life. Not sitting with a bunch of fat, old audiophiles that all need hair combings, wondering if the new swithcplates make the mids to strident. Enjoy music, enjoy life, have fun.
D maver.... wonderful post. I was nodding and laughing all the way through. You hit the nail on the head with your statement "Listen to music , damit, not equipment".
sounds like you got it figured out :)
But what about the quality of the herb??
Are you allowed to tell your wife you find there to be a skunky flavor to this batch??
Oh, I forgot.....we were not supposed to talk about that.
Just wanted to clarify one thing in the event there was any mis-impression. When I refer to, ummmm ....., other things.... I mean things such as ... oh, Neutrogena Body Oil, edible undies et., etc. to excite and enhance the senses.
The use of Herb, as Gumby suggests, only dulls the senses. That is unless we are talking herbs such as Cilantro or Wasabi, when incorporated into a nice piece of pan-seared salmon would do just the trick.
Oh, one word of caution to the equipment dudes out there. The Neutrogena body oil is not for use as a cable treatment or any other demented purpose. It is to be used by you and your wife and/or girlfriend, or husband and/or boyfriend, as the case may be, to be spread on each other. I include this stuff in my list of inexpensive tweaks.
I wholeheartedly recommend the Neutrogenia oil for anyone who has not tried it. I mean, really... seriously, this stuff is wonderfull, even if you are not listening to music.
David