The best "no fuss" turntable for $5K or less?

Another suggestion is the Origin Live tables, The Aurora Gold or Resolution are very easy to set up and makes a great sound, see reviews in Stereo Times and Stereophile. I am in the UK and they are very reasonable here. I know they will cost more in the US, but a good choice. As an aside, the SME 10 is a great table, I am not sure it will be under $5000. with a decent arm in the US.
As always I am afraid, you will get more bang for your bucks buying US kit, particularly with the way the $ has lost value against the £

how about Eurolab (Scheu) Premier Mk 2 or Mk 3?

I had a SOTA Star (vacuum) for over 15 years that was absolutely set and forget! Nothing ever went wrong with that table and it held adjustments like a tank.

I thought the sonic performance was quite good as well. That said, you'll get much higher sonic performance from a SOTA Cosmos, which is just above your price limit at a new price of about $5500 MSRP.

You're back! Got some Marantz Ma-5's waiting...

All cleaned up and shiny as new!