Best Audio Related Story (or joke).


With all the stress and pressure going around at Audiogon these days, (posting issues, complaints and legal issues), seems like this would be a good opportunity to inject some light hearted audio related comments, stories or just plain old jokes. Please share yours!
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In my younger days, I was playing keyboards and had just acquired a setup that included a huge Sun cabinet with an 18" woofer to handle the lower range of the keyboard, the middle and top being handled by two Cerwin Vega 12" professional monitors(which later were hooked up to an old Dynaco-80 amp and Crown 1 Pre to form an interesting home system)- ahem, so anyways, my car at that time was a red 1967 MGB(this is relevant). I am driving to my first gig with this huge Sun cabinet swallowing up the passenger seat, and I make a turn requiring a downshift. Unfortunately this behemoth cabinet slides over pinning my gearshift and arm. I am trying to muscle this thing off me and move the lever, which makes for an hysterical view for nearby drivers. How I got there without a wreck I still don't know. I guess you could say this was an issue of speaker/arm/transport compatibility. Groan. :)
Years ago, when I worked for an audio store that was part of a large shopping center, we had a reoccurring problem every night. Parents would leave their children to play with our musical instruments, Hi Fi gear, and music software, while they shopped for clothing or whatever in stores elsewhere in the mall. When closing time came (9:00 PM) most of us were tired and ready to leave, and frustrated by the troop of young stragglers. Sometimes we stayed as late as 9:30, waiting for Moms and Dads to come back and claim their children. One night when we were already ten minutes past closing, and our manager was frustrated by the usual bunch of children in the store, he surprised us all. The telephone system in the store could become a public address system, by pressing the correct keys. Suddenly we heard his voice, loud and clear, and with believable urgency, "Don't turn them Dobermans loose Clem, there's still little kids in here!" We closed less than three minutes later, with all the children outside our door, standing on the benches in the mall, "safely" waiting for their parents.
Years ago my amplifier designer buddy was discusted with a mediocre review that he recieved from TAS. They had said that his small "budget" amp , was just O.K.(as compared to their "reference" amp, which weighed 100lb+ , with big beefy handles, etc..). So he had a big beefy box made with his company's logo on it , and presented it at the next Consumer Electronic Show.This "amplifier" must have been the biggest box at CES that year. During the sound "demonstrations", everyone commented on the amplifier's great sense of ease, it's excellent dynamics, it's obvious refinement. Many a reviewer wanted to be the first to review his new "reference" amplifier. The new amp had a hidden hinged top cover, so that my buddy could show his closest friends the contents of his "reference" amplifier. What was inside? A mass marketed car stereo amplifier!
Response to David99 about reviewers. Your statement is exactly what my buddy was trying to disprove! These individuals are not always the godly, golden eared people that everyone takes them for!...they are human, like you and me. This means that we all have preferences, are not always impartial, and usually can be swayed to believe in something, due to our pre-concieved notions. Additionally, CES shows have some of the worst rooms in which to make decisions on "what a new component sounds like". Believe me, there is more than one reviewer "recommended manufacturer", that is actually a stinker, as compared to their competition. IF ANYONE READING THIS THINKS OTHERWISE, THEN YOU ARE READY TO JOIN THE P.T. BARNUM CLUB! (P.S.-I will contact my buddy this week to see if he is willing to reveil himself.)